Individual Therapy for Insecure Attachment

Read through the statements below. Do any of them resonate with you?

• I like to be close but only so close—I need plenty of space.

• I have trouble committing in relationships.

• I hate feeling controlled.

• When I fight with my partners, I’m the one who shuts down and doesn’t talk. Sometimes I just get up and walk away.

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• I want more connection than my partner does.

• I need someone else to help me make sense of what I’m feeling.

• I have trouble believing it when my partners try to reassure me or show me love and desire.

• When I fight with my partners, I want to fix things right now. It feels awful to wait to talk about it. It makes me panicky if they turn away or ask for space to think before we discuss the conflict.

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• Relationships aren’t safe.

• Sometimes it seems like I get triggered out of nowhere.

• I want closeness but it scares me when I get it.

• When I fight with my partners, I go back and forth between shutting down and lashing out.

Do any of those statements sound like something you’d say about yourself? If so, you might have an insecure attachment style that is making it hard for you to connect with others.

What’s the difference between secure and insecure attachment? Securely attached adults have a healthy sense of themselves and of other people. They tend to view people they care about in a positive light. They have strong self-esteem and feel competent. Insecurely attached adults experienced the world as an unsafe place and don’t believe that friends, partners, and family can meet theirs needs. They tend to have more difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships, and they’re more susceptible to depression, anxiety, and other mental health struggles.

Insecure attachment can make it hard to trust yourself and people around you—even people you care deeply about. If you’d like to experience the world differently, I can help. Insecure attachment is not a permanent condition—attachment styles are not set in stone. They were learned, and like any learned behavior, they can be unlearned and restructured. Developing more secure attachment strategies as an adult is possible and even has a name: earned secure attachment. Let’s work together to help you find more safety in the world and your relationships so you can start saying things like:

• I’m comfortable being close with others—I enjoy it—but I don’t mind being alone either.

• I’m dependable and I’m ok depending on other people sometimes.

• I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about my partner leaving me, even when we fight.

• If I’m upset, I can turn to the people who love me for support.

• I know my partner’s not perfect, and that’s okay with me.

• I can take ownership of my mistakes in my relationships and apologize for them.

Reach out to me using the Connect with Christopher link at the top of the page to learn more about individual therapy for insecure attachment.