Couples and Relationship Therapy
Relationships are work! Many of us didn’t have healthy role models for loving, boundaried adult relationships when we were growing up. We tend to “love the way we were loved” and while those ways may have worked in our family of origin, they don’t always work as well in our adult relationships. Couples therapy can help partners identify some of their ways of relating that aren’t serving them any longer. It can also help couples craft new strategies to reconnect or deepen their connection, even if time or infidelity have distanced them from each other. Couples therapy can also support partners in creating a “relationship by design”—one that is based on their hopes and values rather than expectations handed down to them from family and others.
What will couples therapy be like?
Relationship therapy with me looks different with each couple based on the concerns that are bringing them to therapy, but a session might include:
identifying individual roles in communication patterns (for example, who “withdraws” and who “pursues”),
creating love and sex maps to help each partner understand the other’s needs and expectations in these areas,
learning effective communication strategies and common blocks to communication (such as “The Four Horsemen”),
discovering and discussing the fears and unmet attachment needs that get activated when each partner is triggered by the other,
establishing individual and common values and then using them to craft goals for the couples’ relationship moving forward after therapy,
and much more.
These are just examples. We’ll work together to determine what your relationship needs most to thrive and build our plan from there!
What kind of couples therapy do you practice?
In relationship sessions, I practice Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) and incorporate techniques from the Gottman Method. EFCT is deeply informed by attachment theory. Using EFCT, I help couples improve their emotional connection by understanding and transforming negative communication patterns. Additionally, I often use Gottman Method strategies to support couples in the immediate aftermath of infidelity. Gottman Method strategies are also often helpful for partners navigating major relationship disagreements.
Do you work with partners in nonmonogamous relationships?
Yes! I support newly ethically nonmonogamous (ENM) and polyamorous partners in setting up their relationship agreements and establishing their boundaries, as well as working with jealousy and increasing compersion. Stepping off of the “relationship escalator” can present a lot of challenges for previously monogamous couples to navigate. I also love to support folks in established nonmonogamous relationships who have hit bumps in the road or are just looking to deepen their connection with their partners.
What are some of the concerns you treat in couples therapy?
Common concerns partners come to therapy to work on include:
conflict due to differing attachment styles,
disconnection or increased distance in the relationship,
parenting disagreements,
lack of, or disagreements about, sex and intimacy,
jealousy and envy,
infidelity/affairs,
disagreement about opening the relationship,
disagreement about preferred relationship structure,
disagreement about relationship agreements/boundaries,
difficulty integrating multiple partners,
challenges with parenting while poly/ENM,
and more
Whatever concerns you have about your relationship, I’d be happy to help. Reach out to me using the Connect with Christopher link at the top of the page to learn more about therapy for your relationship.